Know Thyself :: The Inner Alchemy Guide to Self-Awareness

We need it now more than ever: Why most DON’T have this crucial character trait, and how we can introspect for better results.

Illustration by Timo Kuilder

Why does self-awareness matter so much, and how self-aware are you, really?

According to research summarized by Harvard Business review, when we have more clarity into ourselves we are more confident and more creative. We tend to make sounder decisions, build stronger relationships, and become more effective communicators. We’re less likely to lie, cheat, and steal.

I think it’s safe to say: it’s undeniable that self-awareness is among the keystone personality traits for a well-adjusted individual on the path of constant growth.

The world feels in need of self-awareness more than ever, for self-awareness is the indispensable tool fundamentally associated with the journey of becoming a better human.

True Self-Awareness: Internal and External

As you might think, most people consider themselves pretty self-aware. Tasha Eurich, PhD, self-awareness researcher, organizational psychologist, and New York Times bestselling author, sheds light on the matter: you probably aren’t.

According to Eurich, only about 10–15% of research subjects she’s encountered in her research actually display true self-awareness.

Why is this so? — Because self-awareness is a multidimensional, multifactorial concept. Eurich came to find, that at it’s core self-awareness falls into a duo of “internal” and “external” buckets. This framework produces what are considered four self-awareness archetypes, based on being either high or low at both. Those that are truly self-aware are conscious participants in “actively balancing the scale” at the high end of both sub-types:

“The bottom line is that self-awareness isn’t one truth. It’s a delicate balance of two distinct, even competing, viewpoints”

Internal self-awareness is the degree to which we know ourselves: our core identity and the totality of the landscape of our inner-psyche. External self-awareness is the degree to which we come to understand how others see us, fostering the ability of empathetic viewpoints and cross-referencing our self-view with the way others view us, which amounts to a more comprehensive and honest picture of the self.

It is one thing to know thyself, but it is another thing to know how others truly view thyself in the outer ecosystems of the world.

External self-awareness helps us to objectively challenge our views of ourselves, to assess our own blind spots, and to integrate objective feedback for growth.

The most self-aware people are those that understand themselves with depth, and also foster empathy for, and objective feedback from others.

Where do you fall on this quadrant? Or better stated: Where do you think you fall on this quadrant, and how do others see you falling on this quadrant?

Introspection Does Not Equal Self-Knowing

Introspection is a prerequisite to self-insight and subsequently self-integration, but research by Anthony M. Grant shows that taking take the “deep-dive” into the inner world of self via introspection does not imply a direct conversion into self-insight or self-knowing.

Translation: Just because we’re aware of our tendencies, our emotions and habits, our triggers and possibly our shadow qualities, does not imply that we are able to integrate that awareness into a holistic, more well-adjusted psyche.

This awareness might also even be highly fragmented and at times, heavily biased view of the self. Why?

According to the prevailing research, we’re simply going about it all wrong: We’re not asking the right questions, and we’re not soliciting external unbiased feedback.

“What Not Why”

“The problem with introspection isn’t that it’s categorically ineffective, but that we don’t always do it right.

Tasha Eurich has developed a framework for a better way to assist introspection and thus foster a healthier, more objective sense of self-awareness, in her “What Not Why” approach.

Often times we find ourselves over-inundated with asking “why” when introspecting into the origins of our behavior and emotions: “Why did I do this here”, “Why do I respond this way”, “Why can’t I just be more like this”.

According to Eurich, this can lead to lazy cherry-picking of behavioral or emotional justifications, and it offers a chance for our inherent biases to take hold:

When we examine the causes of our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors — which we often do by asking ourselves Why? questions — we tend to search for the easiest and most plausible answers. Generally, once we’ve found one or two, we stop looking. This can be the result of our innate confirmation bias, which prompts us to lean towards reasons that confirm our existing beliefs.

A more objective approach that doesn’t carry the potential to get lost in bias or rumination is by focusing on the “what”, such as: “What am I feeling right now”, “How can I create space for this feeling?”, “What can I do to mitigate the adverse internal effects of this trigger moving forward?”

See how that works?

“Why” questions enable us to be our own sounding boards, allowing ego, fragility, and self-deception to take hold by essentially choosing our own quick justifications and answers. The can also carry the “rabbit hole” potential whereby we can spin ourselves into a frenzy of philosophical or logical over-churn. “What” questions are primarily rooted in utility and objectivity, or, as Eurich states:

“What” questions help us stay objective, future-focused, and empowered to act on our new insights.”

So as a rule of thumb: Weigh your process heavily on the “what”, minimize your time spent on the “why” (unless it is truly necessary) and choose to ascribe honest, growth-oriented narratives to your insights in order to bridge the gap between your present and your future selves.

Introspection’s Diminishing Returns

“Rumination” by Gopaal Seyn

According to research, it is shown that ruminative self-focus has both maladaptive and adaptive potential. It seems, ultimately, that self-focused introspection reaches a point where it’s utility wanes, and becomes potentially harmful.

Excessive journeying into “why” territory can straddle and/or cross the line into rumination, which can potentially foster anxiety, depression, and negative self-views. At it’s worst, excess rumination can result in a net-negative impact to mental health.

Think about it: Can you recall the times where you found yourself immersed in a flash of overly-analytical, frazzled, philosophical, ruminative internal dialogue?

The kind that felt like anxiety, fear, or worry?

Most often, the only way we get there to begin with was by over-indulging to the point of saturated uselessness and over-indexing on “why”, leaving us with no more insight than when we started, and no objective roadmap for solutions or healthy integrations moving forward.

Reflection to the point of frozen inaction, is also an issue. Excess rumination can often bury person so deep in analytics that they either overlook the necessity to take action, or become to fearful to do so. — There is a ceiling on the utility of reflection for any given instance and internal context.

Simply stated, once we’ve gone past the point of holding space, observing gently, and finding objective ways to integrate, grow, and improve, we are essentially rendering self-reflection useless and potentially harmful.

Introspection : A Better-Process Primer

Here are a few ideas for creating a more robust and efficacious introspection process:

• Carve out time for mindfulness: Whether this is a full blown meditation routine, or just a general umbrella approach integrating many of the introspective processes, it all starts with making time for quiet spaces of non-judgement and reflection.
• Daily expressive journaling: It’s undeniable at this point that just by the act of journaling about trauma and stress we can literally heal the body. In my mind, this shows how powerful and underratted the habit of journaling can play for introspection and self-awareness as well. The keys? Pair emotion and radical honesty. When we tap into our emotions with our journaling, it helps create a bridge between our internalized emotional state, and a potential way to transmute that energy into something tangibly benefician. Also, write as if nobody will ever read it. Truly express yourself and do not censor.
• Empathogens: Substances like Psilocybin, LSD, DMT, THC, and MDMA are all reasonable ways to deconstruct and temporarily bypass what is called our “default mode network”. This default network is your cognitive default setting, based on your past experiences, your neurology, your reinforced worldview, your habits and tendencies. It is the mental world we step unconsciously and repetitively into on a daily basis that has cemented itself out of energy preservation. For best results: Hold the intention that you are going to look inward, not party or get swept off into excess outward stimuli. Eliminate distractions and find a comfortable way to go within. Also, integrate these explorations by journaling your intentions before and integrating insights/lessons after. (** Please tread with caution when exploring empathogens. Always honor the safety and integrity of the process. Do not explore these compounds if you have pre-existing mental or physical illness or cannot utilize them safely. Be mindful of legality and purity, always**)
• In all introspective approaches, remember: What NOT Why!

High-level Themes to Consider When Building Your Own Processes For Introspection and Self-Knowing:

• Prioritization: Make objective self-assessment a priority: daily, weekly, monthly. This sounds simple but amidst a busy, distracted, modern lifestyle, we often find ways to sidestep taking the time for a self audit. Stick to a committed routine.
• Associations: Tether your self-awareness to your current values, to the external world outside of yourself, and to your growth-minded “future self” embodiment. Know that the self is fluid, and thus self-awareness is fluid. In addition to making it a priority, incorporate self-awareness as a part of your identity and value structure. Make being a truly self-aware person something worth striving for.
• Have an honest, nurturing soundboard: Utilize what Tasha Eurich refers to as “loving critics”: seek objective feedback from those that have your best interests at heart, but will give you radical candor and total honesty.
• Be vulnerable, yet resilient: Fully open yourself to feedback without it triggering your emotions, sensitivities, defenses, or by opening a floodgate of self-critical energy. Feedback does not have to threaten your identity or character. It’s ok if it does. Objectively focus on “what” you are feeling, and find a healthy way to transmute those feelings into useful energy that will see you through growth and evolution.
• When it comes to introspection, put a cap on it: Try to be hyper-aware of when your process starts bordering on rumination. Cultivate that space of awareness and know when to divert your focus to more objective narratives, solution-minded avenues, or to shore up the process and move on altogether.
• Foster your gap between stimuli and response: Not only will this usher you into a more calculated and rational humanity, you will begin to be less governed by impulse and emotion and more by objective assessment in all areas of life. Fostering this “gap” will serve you immensely in being objective and non-reactionary at times.
• Be mindful of rumination and emotional layering: As mentioned above, excess rumination on the inferential “why’s” hit a ceiling of usefulness and can border on a whole host of counter-productive and negative head spaces if unchecked. Also, when introspectively self-assessing, do not add layers of emotion or judgement on top of the emotions/feelings/states that you are observing. Assess them as they are, not how you react to them or their implications.
• Know that we are biased creatures by nature: We essentially see what we want and consider ourselves to be more intact and whole than we often are. We tend to over-emphasize our perceived knowings and strong-spots, and to under-emphasize our own ignorance and weak-spots. Humans are bias machines, period. Knowing this is the first step to countering and integrating them, where possible.
• Be aware of “spiritual chauvinism”: In an increasingly “woke” culture, it is important to value introspection and self-awareness for it’s own sake, and for the sake of your personal journey of growth, and for the betterment of the world as a whole…. not for display of virtue or elitism.
• It’s not all about you: Introspection and self-awareness can become a “me” consuming endeavor. Make time to go beyond the self as an adjunct to this process. Meditate, play and create, engage in community and family, and commit yourself to initiatives larger than little ole-you that better that world. Know that self-awareness is one step to “tending our own gardens”, and that by tending to our own gardens we become better instruments of change in the world.